*cough, excuse me while I just spit up some dust balls*...it has been decided...(gawd, I've been making way too many grown up decisions lately...am starting to feel old)...I'm going to remain a lone spinster at the parentals house until I can save enough money to put down a deposit on my very own four walls!
I'll never bag a man this way...and certainly won't be bringing him home to sneak into my childhood bedroom to do adult only things to! I can just see it...mom and dad waltz into bedroom mid swing set sex position action thing, strange dude inbetween my legs..."oh hello mum, hi daddy...this is *insert exhibit A's name*...wadda ya think?!?"
*will have to save emergency 911 number on phone*
No...I may as well box up my box *cough* and keep it locked away to collect cobwebs...*at least I'll save money by not visiting the beautician regularly*!
On a more serious note, perhaps it's the right decision...I'm 26 and earn a good enough salary to pay towards my very own grown up bond...*yay*...I can't wait to eat bread and butter for dinner! Question is: where?!? Where do people buy homes now?!? I mean, I don't want to set up shop in a family suburb...am not growing up that much *even though look like could be preggies*! Note to self: go to gym later! No, I want to move where there are youngins, people with hot bodies and Friday night party lifestyles...I prefer to be hungover with another rather than on own...that way you don't feel like the only alcoholic out there, is always better to have a helping hand...*ROFL in more ways than one*
Mmm...I look forward to meeting my hot new neighbour and discussing the sprinkler systems and flower beds over borrowing cups of sugar *he doesn't have to know I don't eat the stuff*...will have to strategically introduce him to my play-play swing set...he can bring over his *tool kit* to fine tune all the nuts and bolts...*am a little rusty around the edges*!
The house looking begins now and the MAJOR savings should have started 2 years ago! Not sure if that means Aussie is off the cards...I don't want it to be but unless I win the lottery I think I'm staying within SA's borders for now...oh dear god I was so looking forward to that...*humpf*! One month I'm keen to rent an apartment and buy a ticket to Sydney and experience life. Now I'm opting to experience another side of life and the dull monthly bond payments to go with it...is no fun!
That being said, at least within my own four walls I can set up the adult only swing set and have multiple "exhibits" over for bread and butter Fun Fridays - it gives a whole new meaning to a human sandwich!
Over and out y'all!
KaB
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
**If you have the option: always take the room number and not the petrol station**
I have ‘if you’re a weirdo you should totally take your chance with me’ written all over across my forehead…and probably on my backside too, seems that it’s gotten the size of a billboard – may as well reap the rewards! On a more serious note, I tend to always have the social oddities on the streets approaching me, perhaps my smile is too inviting and says ‘yes, I’m all yours…take a chance, love will prevail!’ Tuesday night after the Brazil/ North Korea game (big up to the NK boys), old toothless wonder waltzes up to me at the petrol station and proceeds to get all funky with me…
TW: hello girlie, tell me, don’t you have just a little bit of change for me, I’m so hungry and these pills I’m on for my schitzophrenia need to be taken with food, I’ve got none! (*alarm bells going ting-ting-ting at this point*)
Me: (*fake smiling with frightened scared shitless eyes*) oh okay, are you really going to buy food with this?!
*no, you do good moron…why you ask such a stupid question*
TW: yes, thank you so much…what’s your name!
Me: (*stupidly way too nice and feeling sorry for this dude*) – insert name –
TW: *shaking my hand*…it’s so nice to meet you, one day I’d like to marry a girl with –insert name –
At this point I’m wondering well thank fuck it’s not me but why another girl with my name…why not me with my name, am I really that bad that I can’t even bag myself a schitzophrenic, hungry homeless man? *it’s like the universe is against me bagging a fella…even if it’s a weirdo I’d never touch with a barge pole...was not point*
TW: you know – insert name -…these pills give me such a healthy sex appetite, you don’t mind if I talk about this, you mos know it’s normal!
Me: *shaking head…oh sweet jesus fuck…I’ve got a paedophile, flashing, schitzo murderer on my hands…while thinking to myself ‘I love me, I love my life, I don’t want to be strangled in my car outside of a petrol station…this isn’t how it’s suppose to end…so dirty and tacky here*
TW: …and you know, when I masturbate every night it’s so good…blah blah blah!
All the blood was drained from my face and probably went into his pants…dirty fucker! Out of the corner of my eye I’m desperately pleading with the universe to please let my friends get in the car so that I may escape this lone sexual predator who a) now knows my name *stupid girl* and b) shook my hand with his dirty masturbating hand…
***NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO***
Eventually, as old toothless wonder was getting a little too close for comfort, the friends actually rocked up and we managed to get the hell out of dodge!
R9 (nine rand) later and after being laughed at by the girls I manage to stumble into the house thanking the universe that I had an exfoliating sponge and super hygienic clean soap to wash clean, swop (*I'd have considered this option*), exfoliate and just get rid of all the masturbating germs my hand could have contracted...*bad hand*!
Am done with dodgy dudes…I preferred the hot American I had a super deep and interesting conversation with…well a drunk one that is! Got his room number at the hotel…instead I went to the petrol station!!!
Over and out y’all!
KaB
TW: hello girlie, tell me, don’t you have just a little bit of change for me, I’m so hungry and these pills I’m on for my schitzophrenia need to be taken with food, I’ve got none! (*alarm bells going ting-ting-ting at this point*)
Me: (*fake smiling with frightened scared shitless eyes*) oh okay, are you really going to buy food with this?!
*no, you do good moron…why you ask such a stupid question*
TW: yes, thank you so much…what’s your name!
Me: (*stupidly way too nice and feeling sorry for this dude*) – insert name –
TW: *shaking my hand*…it’s so nice to meet you, one day I’d like to marry a girl with –insert name –
At this point I’m wondering well thank fuck it’s not me but why another girl with my name…why not me with my name, am I really that bad that I can’t even bag myself a schitzophrenic, hungry homeless man? *it’s like the universe is against me bagging a fella…even if it’s a weirdo I’d never touch with a barge pole...was not point*
TW: you know – insert name -…these pills give me such a healthy sex appetite, you don’t mind if I talk about this, you mos know it’s normal!
Me: *shaking head…oh sweet jesus fuck…I’ve got a paedophile, flashing, schitzo murderer on my hands…while thinking to myself ‘I love me, I love my life, I don’t want to be strangled in my car outside of a petrol station…this isn’t how it’s suppose to end…so dirty and tacky here*
TW: …and you know, when I masturbate every night it’s so good…blah blah blah!
All the blood was drained from my face and probably went into his pants…dirty fucker! Out of the corner of my eye I’m desperately pleading with the universe to please let my friends get in the car so that I may escape this lone sexual predator who a) now knows my name *stupid girl* and b) shook my hand with his dirty masturbating hand…
***NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO***
Eventually, as old toothless wonder was getting a little too close for comfort, the friends actually rocked up and we managed to get the hell out of dodge!
R9 (nine rand) later and after being laughed at by the girls I manage to stumble into the house thanking the universe that I had an exfoliating sponge and super hygienic clean soap to wash clean, swop (*I'd have considered this option*), exfoliate and just get rid of all the masturbating germs my hand could have contracted...*bad hand*!
Am done with dodgy dudes…I preferred the hot American I had a super deep and interesting conversation with…well a drunk one that is! Got his room number at the hotel…instead I went to the petrol station!!!
Over and out y’all!
KaB
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
*the greatest ever*
My colleagues and I did our usual distractions this morning and started chit-chatting about the random gobsmack one generally discusses when desperately trying to do something other than work...we landed on 'the greatest invention ever'.
Well, we all know that it's the wheel...unfortunately for big spenders like me it's not the wheel of fortune...how unlucky...it'd have gone a long way otherwise!
A few ideas from the folk are the following:
Catch you on the flipside y'all!
KaB
Well, we all know that it's the wheel...unfortunately for big spenders like me it's not the wheel of fortune...how unlucky...it'd have gone a long way otherwise!
A few ideas from the folk are the following:
- The pill (why yes, besides giving women the sexual freedom that we so desire, it could also be considered the symbolism for our indepedence from the patriarchal blah blah blah...it's good for not falling pregnant and gets the job done...*double tick*!
- The condom...no arguments there!
- Clocks!
- Sex and the city...well, I do love Carrie and the girls and I wouldn't know what to do without their words of wisdom and fabulous wardrobes but how about sex and also the city...is better compromise?!?
- Wine...*alcoholics anonymous would not exist without it and that would be such a shame*
- Internet...without it we could not stalk, obssess over and find new love...okay seriously...it's like a library of everything...whatever you need to know we 'google it' or 'wiki it' and boom you have an answer for everything...*it's great in the midst of an argument with a real know it all*
- Penicillin...without it we would not have McDreamy or McSteamy and would therefore not survive!
- Wikipedia...the Information Age at its most intelligent!
- Toilet Paper...god knows how Eve coped?!?
- Takeaway coffee...or better, Vida...*obrigado*
- Make up...let's be honest gentlemen, all those women who you do naughty things to or imagine having jockey clad pillow throwing girl fights with ALL have make up on!
- Edward Cullen
- The Printing Press...the words of Jane Austen, Shakespeare and Dr Seuss would never have been heard!
- Electricity...without it we'd not have iPods, cellphones, electric toothbrushes and GHDs!
- The Vuvuzela...nuff said!
Catch you on the flipside y'all!
KaB
Thursday, June 10, 2010
**FEEL IT, IT'S HERE**
It is here...the eve of the 2010 World Cup and South Africa is going super crazy...if you don't live here you actually have zero clue at how amazing the gees (*spirit*) is!
The vibe, the people, the colours, the noises, the t-shirts and the car kits are just everywhere you look and nobody is holding back...I mean nobody! I reckon people must be just about bowled over by the enthusiasm and patriotism the locals are displaying and the foreigners are putzing in excitement - South Africa you have made us proud and boy oh boy are the next few weeks going to be a madfest! I am practically bankrupt just thinking about all the alcohol and jols (*parties*) we're going to be having!
And...I have blown the vuvuzela so many times this week I have become a pro at blowing, so to speak! All the spit and slobber is totally under control...this has made me very happy indeed...*back to basics...tick*! Now all I need to do is find me a foreigner...*just kidding*! My father would smack me silly if he knew I spoke such dirty words!
Honestly though, it's just an amazing time to be home and to take in the atmosphere that has just consumed the thoughts, actions and days of locals - I wish everyone could experience it!
Tomorrow's events are bubbling over with gees:
At lunchtime we're all heading on over to Fireman's Arms for the Opening Ceremony and to watch Bafana Bafana kick off the tournament, thereafter a whole bunch of us are heading to the opening game at the Cape Town stadium...France vs. Uruguay and it's going to be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! God knows how the rest of the evening is going to pan out...it'll be full of geeeeees which is pretty much a given for the next few weeks :)
Check out a few of the 'gees' piccies that have been filtering around this week...enjoy the festivities wherever you are and have a flipping fabulous World Cup...go Bafana Bafana!
**FEEL IT, IT'S HERE**
KaB
The vibe, the people, the colours, the noises, the t-shirts and the car kits are just everywhere you look and nobody is holding back...I mean nobody! I reckon people must be just about bowled over by the enthusiasm and patriotism the locals are displaying and the foreigners are putzing in excitement - South Africa you have made us proud and boy oh boy are the next few weeks going to be a madfest! I am practically bankrupt just thinking about all the alcohol and jols (*parties*) we're going to be having!
And...I have blown the vuvuzela so many times this week I have become a pro at blowing, so to speak! All the spit and slobber is totally under control...this has made me very happy indeed...*back to basics...tick*! Now all I need to do is find me a foreigner...*just kidding*! My father would smack me silly if he knew I spoke such dirty words!
Honestly though, it's just an amazing time to be home and to take in the atmosphere that has just consumed the thoughts, actions and days of locals - I wish everyone could experience it!
Tomorrow's events are bubbling over with gees:
At lunchtime we're all heading on over to Fireman's Arms for the Opening Ceremony and to watch Bafana Bafana kick off the tournament, thereafter a whole bunch of us are heading to the opening game at the Cape Town stadium...France vs. Uruguay and it's going to be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! God knows how the rest of the evening is going to pan out...it'll be full of geeeeees which is pretty much a given for the next few weeks :)
Check out a few of the 'gees' piccies that have been filtering around this week...enjoy the festivities wherever you are and have a flipping fabulous World Cup...go Bafana Bafana!
**FEEL IT, IT'S HERE**
KaB
Thursday, June 3, 2010
**going down under**
Oh how I miss the days of being a recipient!
But this is not what's got my wondering mind preoccupied at the mo...no...I'm heading to ye criminal island, Australia mate! Land of kangaroos, Jackaroos (mmm...yummo), dingos and their pet babies, Ivan Milat, the great Outback, showgirl Kylie Minogue, Aborigines and of course Hugh Jackman! *I wonder if he's looking for a mate, mate?!?*
One of my 'mates' now resides in Sydney and his family are up the East Coast in a place aptly named 'Surfer's Paradise'...well of course I'd like to go there too...*tick*! We're talking about road-tripping it...which means I'll get to go on ausari (combo of australia + safari...works/ doesn't work?!?) and drive past kangaroos, drunk parrots, Blue Mountains and 10 hours of coastline, I would imagine!
I can see it now...the friend and I destitute a la flat tyre...we make fire like our ancestors, inconspicuously entertaining ourselves with the souvenir didgeridoos and in the distance beyond the blazing flames of our fire stands a lone dingo...salivating at the mouth in want of my flip flops and specially smuggled in South African biltong. *I wonder if a dingo will play fetch with a didgeridoo?!?*
It's an expensive affair...seems that I'm cheating on my family and our usual christmas shenanigans on the SA Wild Coast with my Aussie family and NYE in Sydney harbour...I love me some fireworks...blitz, colours and booms and bangs that preorder my hearing aid for later on in life! I am very excited indeed...whoopa!
Anyone have any tips for the trip...where to go, what to do (perhaps who...sis, I joke)...how to get through a 25 hour flight...help?!?
For now, the weekend is ahead of us...and that entails some much-deserved (and needed) shopping...a trip to my beautician, the purchasing of my patriotic car kit and a whole lot of rugby! Oh...and SATC 2 of course!!!
Have a goodie y'all!
Over & out
KaB
But this is not what's got my wondering mind preoccupied at the mo...no...I'm heading to ye criminal island, Australia mate! Land of kangaroos, Jackaroos (mmm...yummo), dingos and their pet babies, Ivan Milat, the great Outback, showgirl Kylie Minogue, Aborigines and of course Hugh Jackman! *I wonder if he's looking for a mate, mate?!?*
One of my 'mates' now resides in Sydney and his family are up the East Coast in a place aptly named 'Surfer's Paradise'...well of course I'd like to go there too...*tick*! We're talking about road-tripping it...which means I'll get to go on ausari (combo of australia + safari...works/ doesn't work?!?) and drive past kangaroos, drunk parrots, Blue Mountains and 10 hours of coastline, I would imagine!
I can see it now...the friend and I destitute a la flat tyre...we make fire like our ancestors, inconspicuously entertaining ourselves with the souvenir didgeridoos and in the distance beyond the blazing flames of our fire stands a lone dingo...salivating at the mouth in want of my flip flops and specially smuggled in South African biltong. *I wonder if a dingo will play fetch with a didgeridoo?!?*
It's an expensive affair...seems that I'm cheating on my family and our usual christmas shenanigans on the SA Wild Coast with my Aussie family and NYE in Sydney harbour...I love me some fireworks...blitz, colours and booms and bangs that preorder my hearing aid for later on in life! I am very excited indeed...whoopa!
Anyone have any tips for the trip...where to go, what to do (perhaps who...sis, I joke)...how to get through a 25 hour flight...help?!?
For now, the weekend is ahead of us...and that entails some much-deserved (and needed) shopping...a trip to my beautician, the purchasing of my patriotic car kit and a whole lot of rugby! Oh...and SATC 2 of course!!!
Have a goodie y'all!
Over & out
KaB
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